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Posts Tagged ‘My Life’

Make It a Valentine’s Week

Posted in Color, Dating, Lifestyles, Relationships, romance, Sex & Love, tagged , , , , , , on February 14, 2012| 4 Comments »

Take a bubbly bath

Whether you’re happily coupled up, looking to be, or in love with yourself Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, so why limit it to one day? /Why not take the week and fall head over heels in love with someone or something. Better yet, share the love. Here are some suggestions:

• Take advantage of after-Valentine’s Day specials – pick up some red roses on the 15th and drop the petals in a bubble bath while sipping pink champagne.

• Express yourself and paint your nails red. Buy little heart decals at the drugstore for the perfect finishing touch.

• Wear your heart on your sleeve and purchase a heart charm for your favorite bracelet or necklace.

• Buy a box of Valentine’s Day cards – the kind you used to buy in school – and give them to strangers like the school crossing guard, the dry cleaner, the cashier at the grocery store, the person next to you on a plane, the receptionist at your doctor’s office. Go ahead – make someone’s day.

• Make a contribution to your local heart and stroke foundation. Heart disease is the leading killer of women.

• Buy something red or pink – a scarf, a hat, or a pin – and make it your signature color for the week.

• Be sweet on yourself and indulge in chocolate truffles or a cupcake from a specialty shop.

• Send a Valentine’s Day card – unsigned – to your secret crush.

• Do a girls’ night in and screen your favorite Rom/Com or try your hand at an old board game like Mystery Date.

• Join an online dating site. You never know.

• Surprise your significant other in the weeks following Valentine’s by doing something different, treat him/her to a massage, a cooking lesson, a golf lesson, or a wine tasting.

photo: © istockphoto.com/pierredesvarre

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And Some Days All You Need is a Good Cleaning Lady…

Posted in Color, Humor, Lifestyles, tagged , , , , on January 25, 2012| 1 Comment »

I don’t know how she did it, but the amazing Tilda managed to remove the rhinestone! As the descendant of superstitious Italian and Irish grandparents, I wonder if removing the rhinestone will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, which means I might have just lost my good luck. Sometimes just saying something makes it so. However, like most things in life, it all depends on your perspective. So I consider myself lucky she was able to remove it without damaging the dresser.  Now let’s see if some of that luck rubs off in Vegas!

photo: © istockphoto.com/Twoellis

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Some Days I Really Miss Having a Man Around…and Some Days Not

Posted in Humor, Lifestyles, Travel, tagged , , , , , on January 12, 2012| 7 Comments »

Like most women I know, I am self-reliant, independent and opinionated. These are three characteristics that scare the heck out of most men my age.

I’m not a rabid feminist. If you must label me at all, call me a pragmatist. When I’m alone I open my own doors, slay my own dragons and gladly make my way in this world on my own terms. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy having a man hold the door open for me, stand when I enter a room, schlep my luggage, make me dinner or tuck me in at night. I do!  And lest the guys out there think it’s all one sided, I reciprocate!

It’s just that if there aren’t any readily available men in the vicinity – well a girl’s gotta do what girl’s gotta do.

Take this most recent trip for example. The last things to go into my suitcase are my accessories, like the colorful costume jewelry I wear to dress up an outfit. As I was packing this week, I noticed that my red rhinestone bracelet was missing a few stones. Luckily, I found the missing stones in the bottom of my jewelry box and got out the Krazy Glue.

As I was in a hurry, I performed the delicate operation on the top of my highboy dresser, standing on tippy toes and using my fingers – which narrowly escaped the fate of Siamese twins by a fraction of a second. I recalled hearing about people who glue their body parts to objects − or other body parts − then have to go to the hospital to get unstuck.

“What kind of crazy idiot does that?” I asked aloud.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, said, “This crazy idiot.”

One rhinestone fell out of its setting, but I didn’t see it until it was too late. A little red rhinestone was solidly glued to the top of my dresser and nothing I could do would remove it, short of ruining the veneer. I tried nail polish remover and olive oil. Oh, I don’t know!  It was all I could think of at that moment. And with a taxi on its way, time was running out.

Now, I’m certain that a man would have thought of some way of removing the rhinestone without damaging the furniture. He’d figure it out just like the way he assembles barbeques, changes leaky washers in the faucet, sets up new stereo systems fully integrated with the TV, the computer and microwave so that we can watch movies and eat popcorn all at the same time.

I didn’t brood for long because I had a bigger problem: Tilda. What would my Portuguese cleaning lady do when she came later that week? She’d be dusting the dresser, see the rhinestone and try to pick it up. It wouldn’t budge. She’d pull, and push, and prod it as I did without effect. She’d apply cleaners and other concoctions as I did and still nothing.

With more time than I had and dogged determination, she might try more radical means until she perhaps would go too far and ruin the finish. Then, she’d be so overwrought with guilt and remorse for having ruined a cheap veneer finish that she’d probably have a heart attack right on the spot. And not only would I have a rhinestone stuck to my dresser, I would have killed my cleaning lady.

The clock was still ticking. I was sure the taxi had already pulled up to my apartment building.

What to do?

Oh, the pressure. Why hadn’t I performed the delicate jewelry repair with tweezers and at the table where I could see what I was doing?

So I did what any self-reliant, independent and opinionated woman in my position would do: I put a Post-it note next to the rhinestone:

Tilda,

Please do not remove the rhinestone. I put it there for good luck.   Obrigada (Thank you)

Well what else could I write? A Post-it note wasn’t big enough to explain the ridiculousness of the situation in which I now found myself. Besides I knew Tilda to be superstitious like most southern Europeans and all Irishmen.

Next, I phoned a girlfriend because I really wanted to share a laugh even if it was at my expense. Only she didn’t laugh. She took the situation very seriously and came up with the following suggestion, “Cat what a great opportunity. When you come back you go right out and buy some more rhinestones and turn that red rhinestone into a starting point for something beautiful and unique.”

Her unique approach and imaginative answer made me realize that while there are some days I miss having a man around – this wasn’t one of them.

photo: © istockphoto.com/Yuri_Arcurs

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New Year, New Beginnings and a New Chapter

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Lifestyles, Self Publishing, Social Media, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 31, 2011| 13 Comments »

In every writer’s life there are two stumbling blocks to overcome. On second thought, make them stone walls to surmount: writer’s bloc and writer’s resistance. Writer’s bloc, as I learned from a Robert McKee Story seminar, occurs when you run out of ideas. Writer’s resistance is a lack of dedication to your craft. Lately, I’ve been suffering from both.

“How is that possible?” you may ask. “She’s been posting content consistently all through December.”

Well, I have a confession to make. I’ve been coasting. Yes, that’s right. For my December postings, I’ve mined content already created for my WOW blog tour back in October and November. Regular readers of just “The Chronicles” may not have noticed this, but crossover readers between it and the WOW tour found at least one familiar post.

This strategy gave me a much-need rest, but now I’ve run out of content just as I’ve fallen out of the habit of writing every night. Of course this would happen just when my blog took a significant uptick in readership and e-mail subscriptions – for which I am amazed and incredibly grateful. In fact, all of this new interest, new subscriptions, increase in comments and “likes” has given me a new sense of purpose. I am now accountable to a new and growing invisible group of friends who drop by the Café regularly to catch up on the latest happenings.

Realizing that I might find it tough sledding in December I also promised my readers a chapter (one with a surprise ending) of my second book by the end of December. Many of you have also been kind enough to ask me about a sequel, and both things have motivated me to sit down and write.

I’m happy to report that although it doesn’t quite have the surprise ending I had in mind, I do have a chapter ready for you to read. It’s a Destination Chapter. Those of you who are familiar with the structure of my book Any Color but Beige will recognize that this chapter picks up the story where my first book leaves off. Where we go from here remains a mystery.

I’m superstitious so I decided to post it the first day of 2012 rather than the last day of 2011: a new chapter equals a renewed sense of purpose.

I’d also like to wish all of you a very Happy New Year. Whatever your projects are this year, may they bring you the satisfaction and joy of doing something you love.

Back Behind the Computer

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Why I Read – A Short List

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Color, tagged , , , , on December 27, 2011| 10 Comments »

Many years ago, a friend, mentor, teacher and author gave me a T-shirt that said: So many books, so little time.

That phrase has been burned into my brain ever since. When it comes to books and book stores, I’m like a kid in a candy store. I borrow way more books than I can ever hope to read from the local library and incur enough late fees to add a second wing to the building. I didn’t think it was possible but I swear I’m about to overload my Kindle with dozens of titles in as many genres, all unread. I also bookmark more blogs than I have time to absorb and enjoy, and then there are the magazines and newspapers that I buy because I still like the feel of them. They are piled at the foot of my couch.

I’m also guilty of being a multiple book/media reader. When I was younger I used to be able to get away with it. I could remember the various plot lines of novels, biographies or thrillers not to mention the anecdotes and statistics of business books. Lately less so. I blame it on this new age of information overload rather than my own advancing age. And so I’ve had to grudgingly limit myself to two books at a time and a few periodicals. That way, there’s a chance I might get to enjoy them.

I have further diminished my normally good reading habits by enhancing another good habit – that of writing regularly. Whoever says you can have it all never had to balance reading, writing and working a full-time job (or raising a family.)

I’ve been writing a blog for two years now and I recently published my first book, a memoir entitled Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color. And while writing the blog and the book has been a real labor of love, it has ultimately cut into my reading habits. Instead of reading before bed, I’m busy taking notes. Instead of reading on the plane, I’m turning those notes into posts or pages. And therein lies the dilemma because reading is the ultimate resource for new ideas and a sure cure for writer’s block. But reading is not only about work, it’s also about pleasure. So here’s my own personal list of why I read. It’s a mix of reasons as eclectic as the books I read.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/

1)    Reading enriches my vocabulary.

2)    Reading good prose inspires me to be a better writer.

3)    Reading transports me to new places without ever having to pack a bag.

4)    Reading gives me insight into myself and others.

5)    Reading gives meaning to my life.

6)    Reading allows me to appreciate the beauty of a well-turned phrase or line.

7)    Reading relaxes me.

8)    Reading teaches me like nothing else can. I read therefore I learn.

And finally, reading adds color to my life. Without books it would indeed be a beige world.

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Baring Your Soul for a Memoir – Cat Uncovered

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Lifestyles, Self Publishing, tagged , , , , , on December 16, 2011| 10 Comments »

The secret is out. Now that my life is officially an open book, the world (I have friends on six continents) knows that I am not Wonder Woman. It is an image I struggled for a long time to preserve, but with the publication of Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color I have given up that struggle. And I feel the lighter for it.

I didn’t intend to write a memoir and I certainly didn’t mean to bare my soul to strangers. Because up until recently, I have often said that I would rather chew broken glass than admit to any vulnerability. Ah, vanity!

On the surface I was calm, cool and confident as I shrugged off life’s slings and arrows, like some superhero in a movie. I’ve traveled the world for my job, lived abroad in some very nice cities and had a romantic life that was ripped from the pages of a Harlequin romance novel. It made for some sparkling conversation over cocktails with the girls for whom I put on my game face and pretended that my life was perfect.

But it wasn’t. The truth was I was in a blue funk nursing a broken heart and I didn’t know what to do about it. So I started to write. I poured my heart onto the page because I wouldn’t allow myself to cry. All of the emotion I felt went into my writing, and slowly I began to get my bearings.

Before I knew it, I had 200 pages of perspective. Having gone that far, I sent it off to a freelance editor for an evaluation. The minute I pushed “Send,” I felt a rush of embarrassment. What did I just do? I asked. I’ve sent 200 pages of total nonsense to a complete stranger. I was mortified. It took a month before I heard back from her and each time I thought about it, I’d squirm a little bit in my skin.

Much to my surprise, the evaluation came back positive and with it a long list of recommendations, one of which was to create a blog based on my experiences. The blog helped me build an audience for my book and hone my voice. It also helped me to get over some of the awkwardness I felt when writing about my experiences. I soon learned that what I had to say resonated with readers.

The blog was good practice for writing the final version of the book. Through it, I got used to gradually exposing me and my life. Because the blog preceded the publication of my memoir, and chronicled my life, it felt a lot like the gradual opening of rose – one petal at a time. At its core lay the sweet essence of my book.

Now when I think about the book, I think about the authenticity of its story. Now, rather than feel embarrassed, I feel relieved at having shared it. I used to think I was alone in my experiences. So many people have told me that they have found themselves on its pages that I realize the feelings of love and loss, happiness and disappointment and, most importantly, optimism are universal. And feelings are always better when they’re shared.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/olandesina

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The Color Quiz: What does it Mean?

Posted in Cafegirl Books, Color, Life Style Design, Lifestyles, tagged , , , , on December 14, 2011| 2 Comments »

Okay, so how did you do? Several of you have e-mailed me worried about your low color scores. First let me say that this is not a standardized psychological test – I made it up for fun. The operative word here being fun.

The good news is that by taking this little quiz you may have discovered that your life could use a little dash of color now and then. And just to let you know my score fluctuates too depending on what’s going on in my life at the moment.  In our hectic day-to-day lives we sometimes forget this. It’s only natural. So the only question now is what are we going to do about it?

It could be something as simple as buying a colorful coffee mug. Here’s a picture of mine. It was a gift, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. It has been a blue November for your Café Girl friend as I try to figure out what to do next. Things that were once new and novel have become ritual and habitual, i.e. writing this blog and working on my second book. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just these “colors” (aka exciting activities) already exist on my canvas and it’s time for me to choose some new colors. Adding color is not a one-time occurrence, something to be checked off a list, and forgotten. It’s a life-long commitment to change, to re-invent yourself and have fun doing it.

As we all prepare for the New Year ahead, here’s a little checklist to help us add some color back into our lives.

  • Take time for pit stops of happiness. Pull off the road every now and then and be good to yourself. Even if it is just a quiet moment and a cup of coffee.
  • Add discipline – it provides proportional returns. What you get out of anything is equal to what you put into it.
  • Realize that advice is just a validation of the decision you are about to make.  And do it.
  • Ask, ‘Would I rather be right or happy?’ If you want to be happy, then be willing to change your mind. (By the way, Frank Sinatra thought that orange was the happiest color.)
  • Accept the consequences of your decisions and move on.
  • Live (temporarily) with your fear, guilt or embarrassment until you get over them – and you will get over them.
  • Overcome analysis/paralysis. Ask the right question – not ‘why’ (blame) but ‘how’ (action).
  • You do not have to be an expert. Just be honest with yourself.
  • Take advantage of new opportunities. If not now, when?

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Are You Living a Colorful Life?

Posted in Cafegirl Books, tagged , , , , , , on December 12, 2011| 13 Comments »

In my book, Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color,  I finally realize that the picture-perfect life I created for myself was missing something essential – color.    Once I identified what was wrong,  I found happiness by living life in color. Use my little  quiz below to determine if you need to add more color to your life.

Ticket to Happiness

Start by answering “yes” or “no” for each question.

  1. Can you name the last time you felt a rush of happiness?
  2. Do you like to try new things?
  3. Is there at least one person, place or activity you are passionate about?
  4. Do you indulge in that passion often?
  5. Can you laugh at yourself?
  6. Do you have a short bucket list?
  7. Have you done something spontaneous in the last week?
  8. Have you laughed or shared a laugh in the last day?
  9. Do you smile for no reason?
  10. Do you have a curious mind and an open spirit?
  11. Do you make yourself a priority?
  12. Do you know your favorite color and indulge in it?
  13. Do you enjoy your own company?
  14. Do you treat yourself to little (or big) things on occasion?
  15. Do you have one true friend you can turn to in joy or despair?
  16. Do you nurture your spiritual side?
  17. Do you give back, even in just a small way?
  18. Do you live in the moment?
  19. Are you a work in progress, learning and growing with every experience?
  20. Do you have a personal mantra, motto or special book or song that defines you?

Scoring

For each “yes” response, give yourself five points.  For each “no” response, subtract one point.  Add up the points to reveal your color score.

Color Lost: less than 25 color points
Oops! Looks like you’ve misplaced your color compass. A little Meditation Mauve (from the Any Color but Beige color palettes) would serve you well as a starting point to get back on track. Leonardo da Vinci believed that meditating in a purple light increased effectiveness tenfold.  Hang a purple crystal in your window and bask in its beams.  Now that is a mood swing for the better!

Color Roadblock:  26 – 50 color points
Time for a makeover – just add color.  You are eyeing that box of crayons, poised and ready to choose your signature color.  Who would have thought such a bold, marvelous creature was hiding behind all that sensible beige?  Try adding some Marvelous Darling (from the Any Color But Beige color palettes) with clothing or accessories, to get moving again.

Flying Down the Highway: 51 – 75 color points
You are officially on Adventure Road. If color were a country, you would have a passport! Whether it’s from around the corner or around the world, you collect colorful souvenirs and use them to decorate your inner and outer space.  Seize opportunities to bring colorful pieces of your travels and adventures home. Who says you can’t take it with you?
End of the Rainbow: 76 – 100 color points
Congratulations, you have a rainbow in your pocket! Your life encompasses a full spectrum of color experiences.  Time to take all that Zenergy (from the Any Color but Beige color palettes) and share it with others.  Start a blog, write your memoir or just find time to share colorful experiences with others.  Keep focused on living life in color to continue to reap the benefits.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/pagadesign

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Ten Tips for Being a Great Speaker – or, Dear God, Please Don’t Let Me Sound Stupid

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, tagged , , , , , , on December 5, 2011| 8 Comments »

I sell color for a living to paint companies around the world. By that, I mean those little paint chips (swatches) and color fans you often see in home improvement retailers that help you select your paint colors. As such, I’m often called upon to make all kinds of presentations on a variety of topics: Color Trends, Market Trends, Color Psychology, and sales proposals. Sometimes it’s a one-on-one situation, and other times it can be before groups of varying size. I’ve been making these presentations for over 20 years, and no matter how often I do them, I still get stage fright.

Call it ritual, call it superstition, or call it what it really is: a plea for help, but before every presentation, I always make the same request: Dear God, Please don’t let me sound stupid. And while that little prayer always makes me feel better, I know that if I’m to make a good presentation the power lies within me.

What follows are some tips that I use to reduce stage fright and help me feel more relaxed before an audience. I don’t think I’ll ever eliminate my stage fright completely, in fact, I don’t think I want to because a little adrenaline is a good thing. It keeps you sharp.

  1. Know your subject. If you aren’t prepared, you know it, you increase your anxiety levels, and that shows. Very few people can “wing it.” I prefer to know what I’m going to say before I say it. It saves me from making gaffes.
  2.  Rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse. It’s so important that I’ve said it three times. It’s important to hear the sound of your own voice, to stutter, stammer and lose your train of thought before an imaginary audience. Once you do that, it’s out of your system and you won’t have to worry about that happening before your live audience.
  3. Get the audience on your side. If you have an opportunity to meet a few people before your presentation or speech, then you are no longer talking to “strangers.” It’s a lot easier to talk to people you know. Focus on these familiar faces during your early remarks and, as your confidence increases, branch out to the rest of the audience.
  4. Start with a little humor whenever possible. Try and link it to your topic. I sometimes start by saying, “It’s a small world, just don’t try to paint it.” Or something more generic. “A public speaking guru once told me, that if you tell your audience that you’re a little nervous, you’ll feel less so.” Pause to let it sink in. And then in a deadpan voice, say, “He lied.” That usually elicits a chuckle and creates empathy.
  5. Keep calm. If there’s a podium, place your hands lightly on it for balance. Fidgeting is a distraction.
  6. Breathe. (This should have been number one!) It’s here only because I usually begin to breathe only after I’ve started. Try and remember to take a deep breath before you start.
  7. Smile. It’s like yawning: it’s contagious.
  8. Make eye contact. Move your gaze around the room. To make everyone feel included, cast wide glances at areas of the room because you can’t make eye contact with everyone.
  9. Take command of the room. In informal presentations, where everyone is sitting down, always make sure to stand up. What you have to say is important and you want people to focus.
  10.   Relax. You can’t make a mistake. If you leave something out, finish early or add things, no one will know but you.Photo: © iStockphoto.com/sdominick

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Recreating Yourself – Encore!

Posted in Books, Divorce, Lifestyles, Relationships, Sex & Love, tagged , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011| 5 Comments »

We recreate ourselves constantly whether we realize it or not. It happens naturally as we live our lives. Outwardly we go from daughter, to wife, to mother. We graduate, we work, we earn money, we raise a family and, in the process of living, we raise ourselves. These are the facets of our life that the world sees. We’re “on script” so to speak.

But there are times when the script doesn’t match the internal voice of our character. That is the time we start rewriting our scripts, adjusting our personal narratives and changing ourselves.

Sometimes we make small and incremental changes in dialogue, like learning to say “no” when all our lives we’ve been saying “yes.” Sometimes we change our costumes, like getting into shape and upgrading our looks so we suit our new roles. And sometimes we make fundamental changes, like changing careers, going back to school or leaving the safety and security of life as we know it for the unknown – performing without a net.

Change, and the act of re-creation or reinvention, are never easy. When we’re going through it we often question our motives, our sanity and our judgment –and rightly so. It’s important to make sure that change is warranted because change for the sake of change is counterproductive. It’s like changing four quarters for a dollar – you’re no further ahead than when you started.

Naysayers, family and friends among them, who are stuck in their own personal ruts, will warn you off change and call your decisions into question. Don’t second-guess yourself! Don’t let “analysis paralysis” rule your life either!

Six years ago I recreated my life. As an international color marketer I was busy adding color to everyone else’s life but my own so I rewrote my script, changing my character from a long-time married suburban wife, to a single woman living in cosmopolitan Montreal.

I didn’t do it overnight. In fact, I thought about it for 13 years before making a change that I knew was unavoidable. Once made, I never looked back. Everything changed: my outlook, my attitude and my approach to life. I rewrote my inner dialogue from negative to positive, gave myself a new setting, and added an interesting cast of characters to my love life.

For the first time in years I knew what it felt like to be fully alive. I took my life off autopilot and started flying solo, free to feel the full range of emotions I had been avoiding for years: love, lust, longing, happiness, sadness and, finally, contentment.

Recently I completed my memoir Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color. When I read it, I am amazed at the number of recreations there are in my life. I didn’t realize it as it was happening; it’s only now in retrospect that I can see the metamorphosis, the gradual pushing of boundaries from the safety of a beige chrysalis to a world awash in color. And this is only just the beginning because the one thing I realized when I finished the book was that as long as I’m alive, I’m never really done.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “There are no second acts in American life.” He was wrong, not only are there second acts; there are encores and lots of them. So take a bow and get ready for the next performance.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/coloroftime

Take A Bow

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