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Why I Read – A Short List

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Color, tagged , , , , on December 27, 2011| 10 Comments »

Many years ago, a friend, mentor, teacher and author gave me a T-shirt that said: So many books, so little time.

That phrase has been burned into my brain ever since. When it comes to books and book stores, I’m like a kid in a candy store. I borrow way more books than I can ever hope to read from the local library and incur enough late fees to add a second wing to the building. I didn’t think it was possible but I swear I’m about to overload my Kindle with dozens of titles in as many genres, all unread. I also bookmark more blogs than I have time to absorb and enjoy, and then there are the magazines and newspapers that I buy because I still like the feel of them. They are piled at the foot of my couch.

I’m also guilty of being a multiple book/media reader. When I was younger I used to be able to get away with it. I could remember the various plot lines of novels, biographies or thrillers not to mention the anecdotes and statistics of business books. Lately less so. I blame it on this new age of information overload rather than my own advancing age. And so I’ve had to grudgingly limit myself to two books at a time and a few periodicals. That way, there’s a chance I might get to enjoy them.

I have further diminished my normally good reading habits by enhancing another good habit – that of writing regularly. Whoever says you can have it all never had to balance reading, writing and working a full-time job (or raising a family.)

I’ve been writing a blog for two years now and I recently published my first book, a memoir entitled Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color. And while writing the blog and the book has been a real labor of love, it has ultimately cut into my reading habits. Instead of reading before bed, I’m busy taking notes. Instead of reading on the plane, I’m turning those notes into posts or pages. And therein lies the dilemma because reading is the ultimate resource for new ideas and a sure cure for writer’s block. But reading is not only about work, it’s also about pleasure. So here’s my own personal list of why I read. It’s a mix of reasons as eclectic as the books I read.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/

1)    Reading enriches my vocabulary.

2)    Reading good prose inspires me to be a better writer.

3)    Reading transports me to new places without ever having to pack a bag.

4)    Reading gives me insight into myself and others.

5)    Reading gives meaning to my life.

6)    Reading allows me to appreciate the beauty of a well-turned phrase or line.

7)    Reading relaxes me.

8)    Reading teaches me like nothing else can. I read therefore I learn.

And finally, reading adds color to my life. Without books it would indeed be a beige world.

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Baring Your Soul for a Memoir – Cat Uncovered

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Lifestyles, Self Publishing, tagged , , , , , on December 16, 2011| 10 Comments »

The secret is out. Now that my life is officially an open book, the world (I have friends on six continents) knows that I am not Wonder Woman. It is an image I struggled for a long time to preserve, but with the publication of Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color I have given up that struggle. And I feel the lighter for it.

I didn’t intend to write a memoir and I certainly didn’t mean to bare my soul to strangers. Because up until recently, I have often said that I would rather chew broken glass than admit to any vulnerability. Ah, vanity!

On the surface I was calm, cool and confident as I shrugged off life’s slings and arrows, like some superhero in a movie. I’ve traveled the world for my job, lived abroad in some very nice cities and had a romantic life that was ripped from the pages of a Harlequin romance novel. It made for some sparkling conversation over cocktails with the girls for whom I put on my game face and pretended that my life was perfect.

But it wasn’t. The truth was I was in a blue funk nursing a broken heart and I didn’t know what to do about it. So I started to write. I poured my heart onto the page because I wouldn’t allow myself to cry. All of the emotion I felt went into my writing, and slowly I began to get my bearings.

Before I knew it, I had 200 pages of perspective. Having gone that far, I sent it off to a freelance editor for an evaluation. The minute I pushed “Send,” I felt a rush of embarrassment. What did I just do? I asked. I’ve sent 200 pages of total nonsense to a complete stranger. I was mortified. It took a month before I heard back from her and each time I thought about it, I’d squirm a little bit in my skin.

Much to my surprise, the evaluation came back positive and with it a long list of recommendations, one of which was to create a blog based on my experiences. The blog helped me build an audience for my book and hone my voice. It also helped me to get over some of the awkwardness I felt when writing about my experiences. I soon learned that what I had to say resonated with readers.

The blog was good practice for writing the final version of the book. Through it, I got used to gradually exposing me and my life. Because the blog preceded the publication of my memoir, and chronicled my life, it felt a lot like the gradual opening of rose – one petal at a time. At its core lay the sweet essence of my book.

Now when I think about the book, I think about the authenticity of its story. Now, rather than feel embarrassed, I feel relieved at having shared it. I used to think I was alone in my experiences. So many people have told me that they have found themselves on its pages that I realize the feelings of love and loss, happiness and disappointment and, most importantly, optimism are universal. And feelings are always better when they’re shared.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/olandesina

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Ten Tips for Being a Great Speaker – or, Dear God, Please Don’t Let Me Sound Stupid

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, tagged , , , , , , on December 5, 2011| 8 Comments »

I sell color for a living to paint companies around the world. By that, I mean those little paint chips (swatches) and color fans you often see in home improvement retailers that help you select your paint colors. As such, I’m often called upon to make all kinds of presentations on a variety of topics: Color Trends, Market Trends, Color Psychology, and sales proposals. Sometimes it’s a one-on-one situation, and other times it can be before groups of varying size. I’ve been making these presentations for over 20 years, and no matter how often I do them, I still get stage fright.

Call it ritual, call it superstition, or call it what it really is: a plea for help, but before every presentation, I always make the same request: Dear God, Please don’t let me sound stupid. And while that little prayer always makes me feel better, I know that if I’m to make a good presentation the power lies within me.

What follows are some tips that I use to reduce stage fright and help me feel more relaxed before an audience. I don’t think I’ll ever eliminate my stage fright completely, in fact, I don’t think I want to because a little adrenaline is a good thing. It keeps you sharp.

  1. Know your subject. If you aren’t prepared, you know it, you increase your anxiety levels, and that shows. Very few people can “wing it.” I prefer to know what I’m going to say before I say it. It saves me from making gaffes.
  2.  Rehearse, rehearse, and rehearse. It’s so important that I’ve said it three times. It’s important to hear the sound of your own voice, to stutter, stammer and lose your train of thought before an imaginary audience. Once you do that, it’s out of your system and you won’t have to worry about that happening before your live audience.
  3. Get the audience on your side. If you have an opportunity to meet a few people before your presentation or speech, then you are no longer talking to “strangers.” It’s a lot easier to talk to people you know. Focus on these familiar faces during your early remarks and, as your confidence increases, branch out to the rest of the audience.
  4. Start with a little humor whenever possible. Try and link it to your topic. I sometimes start by saying, “It’s a small world, just don’t try to paint it.” Or something more generic. “A public speaking guru once told me, that if you tell your audience that you’re a little nervous, you’ll feel less so.” Pause to let it sink in. And then in a deadpan voice, say, “He lied.” That usually elicits a chuckle and creates empathy.
  5. Keep calm. If there’s a podium, place your hands lightly on it for balance. Fidgeting is a distraction.
  6. Breathe. (This should have been number one!) It’s here only because I usually begin to breathe only after I’ve started. Try and remember to take a deep breath before you start.
  7. Smile. It’s like yawning: it’s contagious.
  8. Make eye contact. Move your gaze around the room. To make everyone feel included, cast wide glances at areas of the room because you can’t make eye contact with everyone.
  9. Take command of the room. In informal presentations, where everyone is sitting down, always make sure to stand up. What you have to say is important and you want people to focus.
  10.   Relax. You can’t make a mistake. If you leave something out, finish early or add things, no one will know but you.Photo: © iStockphoto.com/sdominick

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Recreating Yourself – Encore!

Posted in Books, Divorce, Lifestyles, Relationships, Sex & Love, tagged , , , , , , , on December 2, 2011| 5 Comments »

We recreate ourselves constantly whether we realize it or not. It happens naturally as we live our lives. Outwardly we go from daughter, to wife, to mother. We graduate, we work, we earn money, we raise a family and, in the process of living, we raise ourselves. These are the facets of our life that the world sees. We’re “on script” so to speak.

But there are times when the script doesn’t match the internal voice of our character. That is the time we start rewriting our scripts, adjusting our personal narratives and changing ourselves.

Sometimes we make small and incremental changes in dialogue, like learning to say “no” when all our lives we’ve been saying “yes.” Sometimes we change our costumes, like getting into shape and upgrading our looks so we suit our new roles. And sometimes we make fundamental changes, like changing careers, going back to school or leaving the safety and security of life as we know it for the unknown – performing without a net.

Change, and the act of re-creation or reinvention, are never easy. When we’re going through it we often question our motives, our sanity and our judgment –and rightly so. It’s important to make sure that change is warranted because change for the sake of change is counterproductive. It’s like changing four quarters for a dollar – you’re no further ahead than when you started.

Naysayers, family and friends among them, who are stuck in their own personal ruts, will warn you off change and call your decisions into question. Don’t second-guess yourself! Don’t let “analysis paralysis” rule your life either!

Six years ago I recreated my life. As an international color marketer I was busy adding color to everyone else’s life but my own so I rewrote my script, changing my character from a long-time married suburban wife, to a single woman living in cosmopolitan Montreal.

I didn’t do it overnight. In fact, I thought about it for 13 years before making a change that I knew was unavoidable. Once made, I never looked back. Everything changed: my outlook, my attitude and my approach to life. I rewrote my inner dialogue from negative to positive, gave myself a new setting, and added an interesting cast of characters to my love life.

For the first time in years I knew what it felt like to be fully alive. I took my life off autopilot and started flying solo, free to feel the full range of emotions I had been avoiding for years: love, lust, longing, happiness, sadness and, finally, contentment.

Recently I completed my memoir Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color. When I read it, I am amazed at the number of recreations there are in my life. I didn’t realize it as it was happening; it’s only now in retrospect that I can see the metamorphosis, the gradual pushing of boundaries from the safety of a beige chrysalis to a world awash in color. And this is only just the beginning because the one thing I realized when I finished the book was that as long as I’m alive, I’m never really done.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, “There are no second acts in American life.” He was wrong, not only are there second acts; there are encores and lots of them. So take a bow and get ready for the next performance.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/coloroftime

Take A Bow

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My Carrie Bradshaw Moment – My First Public Reading

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Self Publishing, tagged , , , , , , , , on November 30, 2011| 9 Comments »

I’ve had a lot of Carrie Bradshaw moments over the last few years: walking away from the wrong man at the right time, falling for the wrong man at the right time and an amazing rescue by my Café Girls when I returned home from a disastrous foreign love affair – on Valentine’s Day with nothing but the clothes in my suitcase. They were there with food, shelter and friendship. What more could a girl ask for?

Carrie and I have the great good fortune to live in magical cities that we love – she in New York, me in Montreal. Writing is our shared passion. Carrie writes a column and I write regular posts on a variety of topics including sex in a few cities, travel, relationships, careers and cultural commentary for this blog which has steadily grown in readership over the last year.

And now I too have my own book, Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color. In season five, Carrie agonizes over her image on the book’s front cover appropriately titled Sex and the City. It was all about what she should wear, how she should dress. For me it was about the shoes, and the challenge of securing permission to use the beautiful red soled Christian Louboutin shoes on my cover. We both succeeded in creating memorable book covers.

We each attended our respective book launches solo – but in my case, one was the luckiest number and not the loneliest number. While an eleventh hour rescue by Jack Burger gives her the plus one she’s been looking for. Stuff like that only happens in TV.

We’re both lucky to have loyal readers who support our efforts and show up at launches and public readings. Last week, I gave my first public reading at a The Munich Readery which is run by Lisa Yarger and her husband John. It was an especially fitting place for my first reading because I had read a few chapters of the then untitled and unfinished manuscript to some of the same people the year before.

An intimate group of friends and fans of the book and the blog attended. This official first reading ranked right up there with my book launch and my recent Girls’ Nights In cocktails moments pressed into the scrapbook of my memory. 

Lisa did a thorough job publicizing the event through the store’s e-mailing list and the local English speaking online publications. She laid out a colorful counter of fancy cheeses, figs, beautiful German breads and jam and a variety wines. It’s times like this I like to step back and take in the scene as an observer of my own life. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself just to make sure I’m not dreaming. Friends and family have been enjoying the process as much as I have it seems.

Tucked in between floor to ceiling bookshelves (I thought I’d died and gone to heaven), I sat in an oversized chair surrounded by my own books, amidst the small group who listened attentively to two selections that Lisa had selected “Destination Paris” and “Chapter 12: Unfinished Business.”

I read Any Color but Beige aloud dozens of times during the proofreading process but this was the first time I “played” all of the people in each of the chapters. I had fun taking on different roles changing my voice, my accents and my tone to reflect the individuals in question. As I looked from face to face, I could see my audience as lost in my story as I was, laughing at the funny bits and growing quiet in the sad ones.

Moments like these made me feel like Carrie Bradshaw, with one huge difference for which I will always be grateful: all of my memorable moments are real.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/digitalskillet

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Girls’ Nights In — Celebrating Good Times, Good Friends and a Good Book

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Self Publishing, South Africa, tagged , , , , , on November 25, 2011| 4 Comments »

People often ask me, “Why did you write a book?” If they are friends who know me well, I will often mischievously reply, “I did it for the party.” And there’s a grain of truth to that response. As months go by, there have been more celebrations. Who knew the ancillary benefit to all that hard work would be enjoying the fruits of your labors with friends?

It started simply enough with a family get together in August just before I launched Any Color but Beige. My large and loving family went out of its way to host a surprise barbeque complete with a heartfelt toast from my brother Jimmy, an endless buffet of homemade Italian and American specialties, and many desserts. They marked the occasion with a present meant to represent all the hard work I’d done: a framed pen and ink drawing of black and red dance shoes, just like the one that appears on the book’s cover. Their pride was palpable, and I felt like I had just been handed the Pulitzer Prize.

Further fetes included a couple of Girls’ Nights In (GNI), hosted by friends in two places so different from one another in geography – America and Africa – and yet so similar in the comfortable familiarity of female friendship.

At the first one, I partied with Judy and her friends in the wilds of a Wisconsin, so starkly beautiful in its winter’s dress that it

Wild in Wisconsin

took my breath away. Inside we moved between kitchen and living room, eating, drinking and talking. Judy had blown up an old high-school picture and used it as a buffet centerpiece. Bowls of brightly colored M&Ms added just the right amount of color to the event as did my colorful “tales told out of school” about Judy. (See Destination:  Chicago in the book for their significance.)

The second party had the lush green landscape of suburban Johannesburg as a backdrop. Julie had ordered bright yellow helium balloons and tied them to the mailbox ensuring that no one missed the house. We congregated in the kitchen, chatting and eating and were about to move from the kitchen to the living room when Julie asked me to leave the room for a second.

From the next room I had heard a gasp and wondered what had happened? Had someone spotted a scorpion or snake? I didn’t have to wait long before they called me back into the kitchen and I saw the most amazing the sight. Leana, another Café Girlfriend, had made a cake in the shape of a book – my book. It was a carrot cake and everything, from the colorful book cover to the beautifully fashioned dance shoes was edible. I didn’t want to cut it, but cut it and enjoy it we did.

After the cake, it was time for me to talk about the book. I could have done a reading but the setting in both cases didn’t lend itself to that; it was much too informal. And so I told the “back story” about how the book came to be. And I also talked about each of my respective hosts’ role in the book. (You can find more about Judy in Chapter 3 and Julie in Chapter 25 of the book.)

Like the American Café Girls, the African girls had lots of questions and lots of stories of their own to share. Some things are universal, and it looks like Café Girlfriends are the same the world over. We’re all united by our shared experiences in life and in love. And Any Color but Beige is chock full such experiences it seems we can all relate to.

The conversation and the wine flowed freely, and everyone was reluctant to call it a night until we all agreed that we would somehow, somewhere meet again to continue our stories. At both parties, some of the girls were meeting for the first time so we ended up not only celebrating the book but also friendships old and new. I said in an earlier post that to be successful in this self-publishing business you not only have to be talented you have to be lucky. The excitement, enthusiasm and thoughtfulness of my family and friends have showed me just how lucky I am. As for the rest, it’s just icing on the cake.

A Party that Takes the Cake!

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Blog Tour – The Next Step on the Promotional Road

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Social Media, tagged , , , , , on November 14, 2011| 6 Comments »

I subscribe to a fantastic site called WOW! – Women on Writing. According to its site, WOW!’s mission is “to support women’s creativity, energy, blood, sweat and tears, throughout all stages of the writing process.”

It’s a great resource for writers and authors covering everything from writing techniques and self-publishing tips to networking with an online community of other writers. Their vision is to create “a favorite watering hole for professionals, the up-and-coming, and the recipients of our labors–the avid readers.”

WOW! Also offers a blog tour to authors as a means of promoting your book to its extensive blogger network. The blog tour includes:

  • 12 – 15 stops on highly trafficked blogs customized to your book
  • An interview on WOW!’s own blog “The Muffin.”
  • An email announcement in WOW!’s Events Newsletters (21,000 subscribers)
  • Excellent Customer Service. My experience this far with Jodi Webb has been amazing.

What follows is a partial schedule for my own blog tour kicking off with my WOW! Interview on “The Muffin”* on November 14.   Stop by today and visit.*  Several of the blogs are running contests you can win a free copy of Any Color but Beige.

*I’m posting this from Munich, somewhat in advance of the post due to time zones,  so it may take a couple of hours for the Post to appear on today’s Muffin.  Overseas reader please check back later today to see it.

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/NRedmond

Date Title Blog
11/15/11 Recreating Yourself http://emptynest1.blogspot.com
11/16/11 Tips for Being a Great Speaker or “Dear God, Please don’t let me sound stupid.” http://blog.juliealindsey.com/
11/17/11 Book Review – nothing required www.misadventureswithandi.com
11/18/11 5 Things You Should Always Have in Your Suitcase www.misadventureswithandi.com
11/23/11 Five Things to See or Do In a New Place http://carolineclemmons.blogspot.com
11/29/11 Pod Cast http://www.momecentric.com
12/2/11 Interview http://jodiwebb.com/
12/6/11 Color Quiz http://cmashlovestoread.blogspot.com
12/7/11 Why We Write http://www.ingasilbergbooks.com
12/8/11 What Color Should Your Writing Room Be http://writerinspired.wordpress.com/
12/9/11 What Color Says About You http://www.krittersramblings.com
12/12/11 Baring Your Soul For a Memoir http://www.fromthetbrpile.blogspot.com
12/14/11 Interview – Laurie To Send Questions http://lauriehere.blogspot.com/
12/16/11 How Travel Can Improve Your Writing http://niinas-reading-and-reviewing.blogspot.com/
TBA Interview http://SellingBooks.com/

Mmmm muffins

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The Best Night of my Life – Prove It!

Posted in Books, Cafegirl Books, Dating, Humor, Lifestyles, Relationships, romance, Self Publishing, tagged , , , , on November 11, 2011| 2 Comments »

When I mention to people that my book launch was the best night of my life, reactions vary from agreement to doubt. It’s interestingto note that only the men appear to doubt my claim. I find this puzzling because, given the differences between the sexes; I would have thought men would just get it. So this reaction surprised me.

Oh yeah?

Men, who by their very nature, are competitive beings, have played some sort of sport at least once in their lives or have “lived” an extraordinary moment: a game-saving tackle on the goal line, a home run in the bottom of the ninth, or a three pointer at the buzzer. Or maybe it was closing a million dollar deal, landing a new account, or cashing out a winner in poker. Whatever the event, it will go down in their memories as probably the best “moment” of their lives.

So why is it so hard for men to make the leap from pitch, playing field or boardroom, where the glad-handing and back-slapping of buddies is commonplace and where solo efforts of prowess are lauded, to the softer side of life where creation and not competition reigns supreme.

The cynic in me postulates that any achievement not involving at least the advice or counsel of a man is somehow lacking. How could she have done it without me? How dare she do it without me? It can’t possibly be the best without me. This last one may have a slight sexual undertone depending on whom I’m talking to. Wink, wink, nod, nod.

But the explanation is quite simple once I juxtapose it for them against a bigger picture –the marathon race we all run called “life.” People come and go and add and subtract from our lives (hopefully they add more than they subtract). And the memories created “a deux” can sometimes be tainted with sadness, despair and regret, should things end badly.

Our memorable solo moments, days, nights or seasons are the best because we own them. We are the sole architect of those pieces of happiness, achievement or glory. A moment, day or, in my case, night, is something, not even time, can take from us, nor memory taint. Savor them!

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/Ulvestad

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The Best Night of my Life

Posted in Books, Breaking Up, Cafegirl Books, Humor, Self Publishing, tagged , , on November 9, 2011| 14 Comments »

Everything was ready, and well in advance. I had booked the caterer, selected the menu, purchased an assortment of wines (sparkling, red, white) picked the mood music, Pink Martini, and organized a surprise salsa lesson for my 45 guests. I had found the perfect dress – red of course. And the shoes? We’ll they’re the same shoes that appear on the cover of my book.

And then friends and family stepped in and took over. My friend Nadia, who has managed more than once to put a roof over my head, organized and decorated a beautiful venue. Nadia is a sculptor with a great eye for color, aesthetics and proportion so the room was awash in color – everything from the table cloths and cocktail napkins to the center pieces and the flowers.

My sister, Margaret Mary, with the precision skills that come with being a mother of four, ran a flawless event. She did everything from welcoming guests and selling books to giving direction to the people who staffed the event.

Pierre, who is an artist when it comes to taking candid pictures, created a digital photo album that captures everyone at his or her best.

Giacomo stepped in and set up an extraordinary bar as his gift to me. He engaged the services of a magical mixologist, Thomas, who conjured up a “Café Girl Martini” to commemorate the occasion. (I didn’t drink anything during the event – my adrenaline didn’t need any outside stimulation – but I’m told that once everyone left I had three martinis in rapid succession as well as my own bottle of Prosecco).

All I had to do was show up. And thanks to them, that’s exactly what I did.

Technically the event was a book launch, but the reality is that it was a party for my friends and family – for all those people that I love who supported me through the entire process. Some friends traveled great distances to be there and others who couldn’t make it sent flowers. It was a celebration of friendship. I was happy to bask in their unabashed pride in my efforts. Authors get a lot compliments and criticism about their work  but words I will prize most are those five little words that I heard from family, friends and even colleagues – “I’m so proud of you.”

It was a night of eating, drinking, dancing and the great conversation that only happens when friends are reunited to celebrate a happy occasion. They all waited patiently as I signed the books they bought – I wanted to give them away but they insisted on buying them. I  wrote a special message in each one.

Later I remarked to my mom, who couldn’t be there, that the event was just like a wedding without the complication of a groom. I reflected on that for a minute and jokingly said, “had I known that 25 years ago, I would written a book instead of getting married.”

To which my wise mother remarked, “Cat, if you hadn’t gotten married, you wouldn’t have written this book.”

And just like a wedding, to commemorate the occasion, here’s the launch video for my book: Any Color but Beige: Living Life in Color.

 

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